The two phrases I catch myself saying during lockdowns (yes, they’re a plural concept now, isn’t that fun) are ‘self-care’ and ‘treat yourself’ – often interchangeably, so you could say I’m calling myself out with this post.

Both things are good things, both are necessary – they are not interchangeable.

Self care as a concept originated in psychiatric hospitals as the idea that mentally unwell patients could preserve a sense of independence and self worth by performing self-care, including exercise and personal hygiene. 

After the academic world started paying attention to PTSD in the 70s it became more widely known in professions that involved repeated exposure to pain or trauma, and was even recommended by the Black Panther Party to all black citizens as a means of maintaining resilience while living with racism.

Self-care is a tool that helps maintain independence, builds self-worth, protects mental health, and fosters resilience.

‘Treat Yo’self’ comes from Parks and Rec. While a noble origin, it doesn’t quite have the same prestige.

Self-care is all the boring stuff mums tell you to do like getting enough sleep, eating vegetables and washing behind your ears – the basic building blocks of looking after yourself.

‘Treat yo’self’ is ordering takeaway when you don’t want to cook, or having a two-hour long bubble bath with some wine, or deciding not to go for a run because you don’t feel like it and watching a movie instead.

*note: eating nutritiously may be the goal but during a depressive/anxious episode eating anything at all definitely counts. Tinned mac and cheese has saved me many a time, despite being an almost unidentifiable substance.

I like to think of it that self-care is making decisions that are good for you, and treat yo’self is making decisions which feel good. It’s writing ‘FOR TOAST’ in stern capital letters across the lid of the Nutella jar instead of eating the lot with a spoon. 

Treat yo’self is definitely a part of self-care as a means of relieving stress, having fun and making sure you make time to just enjoy yourself (especially in this bizarre year where we spend as much time having existential crises as we do watching Netflix) but it has to be within a wider self-caring lifestyle.

I spent a long time conflating the two; staying up to watch TV until 5am each night and sleeping until 3, and constantly buying takeaways I couldn’t afford because I felt too crap to cook. I thought I was being kind to myself, when in the long run it made me feel out of control and stressed.

I struggled pretty intensely with my anxiety and depression during the first lockdown, only getting them really under control towards the end. Although I love my job, readjusting to work was also difficult – suddenly being surrounded by people and having to meet expectations again sent my anxiety way up.

Putting basic self care first really helped and after a lot of trial and error I’ve found a few habits that have been life-savers and kept me diving off the deep end.

Top 5 Self-care tips in 2020

Fortunately (or unfortunately), we’ve been through a lockdown before and some of the self care habits I developed the first time are coming in useful again. These are the ones I’ve found most important.

1. Have a routine – but keep it rough

Giving my days a structure helps keep the lockdown blues at bay – not really because it makes things feel normal but because it helps me feel in control. 

I remember the first three weeks of lockdown #1 as a blur of chaotic sleeping, drinking and eating, and after the novelty of not going to work wore off it made me feel like I was spiralling. 

Then I went too far the other way – I invented a ridiculously strict routine with a set sleep schedule, mealtimes and activities, and beat myself up for getting up at 8:03 instead of 8. I gave up and sank back into chaos. 

Eventually, I found my equilibrium and settled into a kinder routine: get downstairs for coffee and breakfast some time before ten; have lunch between one and two. Try to fall asleep before 1am. 

I had a rough shape to my day that meant I was sleeping, eating and drinking enough but that didn’t set impossible standards. My anxiety calmed way down, and I found it easier to keep low moods in check because I felt functional. This time around, I’m finding the same thing helpful.

2. Keep the first half an hour of the day tech-free

Immediately checking emails, social media and messages after waking up makes me feel overwhelmed, stressed, tired and kind of detached from myself straight away. Having half an hour with my own thoughts starts the day calmly and leaves me feeling settled and clear-headed. 

The rest of the day feels much less chaotic and stressful because I gave myself some time to just exist in the morning before letting the world start demand something from me, and it and helps stop my brain from going into washing machine mode.

3. Do something just for yourself in the morning

Do something that doesn’t have any purpose except that you enjoy it before you start the day, even if it’s just for ten minutes. 

I’ve always been a late person with a tendency to sleep in until the last possible second, usually because I stayed up too late. A few months back, a friend sent me something theorising that chronic night owls only stay up so late because they haven’t had time for themselves during the day. I thought it was interesting and then forgot about it. 

When lockdown #1 ended, I decided I didn’t want to start the day rushing anymore because I’d tasted the sweet nectar of a stress-free morning – so, I dragged myself into the habit of getting up in time to have an extra cup of coffee, go for a walk or read a book for a bit. I started feeling calmer during the day, and didn’t feel the need to stay up reading or watching Netflix because I already felt like I’d had some time to myself.

I’ve been applying the same theory to lockdown, and it’s definitely helping me feel more centred and grounded. Doing this kind of thing helps to reduce stress, improves mental strength and can even help you be more creative.

4. Getting dressed properly

Staying in your pyjamas all day with your hair thrown up is awesome on a Sunday afternoon or on your first day off in a while, but actually feels pretty crap every day. I felt really down in first lockdown and since I was on furlough rather than working from home I literally had nothing to force me to act like a human rather than an unshowered zombie.

Now, I don’t bother with makeup unless I feel like it, but I do make sure I get up and out of my pyjamas every morning – even if I get into something else comfortable, like trackies and a t shirt.

Getting dressed every morning has kind of the same effect as forcing yourself to smile when you feel sad – it doesn’t change the situation and it won’t completely fix how you feel, but it can change your outlook just enough that you feel a little stronger and a little more optimistic.

The routine of getting changed in and out of pyjamas at roughly correct times of the day also has the added bonus of helping me distinguish between days, nights, and other days, rather than it all melting into one chaotic blur like the beginning of first lockdown did.

5. Look after your relationships

During first lockdown I spent a long time either not talking to anyone or just talking a lot to one person, and spent more time analysing my own mental state and behaviour than I did engaging with the people I cared about.

I believed this was because I was too overwhelmed looking after myself to spend energy on other people, plus I felt guilty for finding the situation so hard and didn’t want to burden people I cared about.

Obviously this was just a depressed and anxious brain tricking me into withdrawing and making me think I was useless, when actually relationships are pretty much what make life worth living and literally everyone was finding the lockdown a nightmare.

I eventually realised this, and set a goal of messaging at least one friend a day to ask how they were. I managed to stick to this pretty well, and unsurprisingly found that engaging with people I love and who care about me in return:

• reduced anxiety and stress
• reduced overthinking
• increased my self esteem
• resulted in stronger, mutually supportive relationships that both parties could rely on

It seems really obvious now that everyone needs their friends and support networks more than ever, and that it’s okay to lean on your friends the way they lean on you – but I only came to realise that after months of consciously reminding myself and stopping myself from withdrawing. It’s probably the most important thing I’ve learned this year; look after your friendships and they will look after you.

Plus, I learned to remember- friendships are not one-sided! Anxiety tells you that everyone you consider a friend and that you miss hates you and hasn’t thought of you at all – but as we know, anxiety is a dick. My friends love me back, your friends love you back.

So, those are the top 5 ways I’ve found to keep sane and at least relatively healthy through a difficult year. i hope they help you as much as they’ve helped me!

Thank you for reading! If you’re enjoying Mostly Harmless and want more tips on self-care and sustainable living, don’t forget to subscribe and follow me on instagram @mostlyharmlessliving.